A few months ago, my department announced that it was having to cut some positions. The Federal government has always been THE place to work if you were looking for stability. You couldn’t get fired unless you killed someone; and even then.. But times they are-a-changing, and governments they are a-laying off people. Those affected in my area were offered the opportunity to volunteer to leave. They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. It came at a perfect time for me. I wasn’t quite ready to leave but the generous offer lured me towards the exit. I have six more days to work and then my life is mine to do with whatever I choose. I am in a good place, financially and mentally. I have many options and opportunities from which to choose. It’s almost too good. I worry that something bad is lurking, just around the corner. That’s just how my mind works. I’m not generally superstitious, but sometimes I can be. It seems to me there’s a balance in life that must be respected. Like an unwritten law that says you can’t have it all. Something has to give.
Whenever things have been too good in the past, something has come along and thrown dirt in my face. Abruptly. And nastily. Six years ago, all was good. Then out of the blue my happy, full-of-life and much-loved mother got sick and died within weeks. A couple of years later, just as I was beginning to catch my breath, I had a serious car accident from which I narrowly escaped dire consequences. Payback time. So, I’m not trusting in the good, because I worry that something bad needs to happen in order to maintain the equilibrium. Will one of my loved ones suddenly become ill? Will I suddenly become ill? Probably not. But maybe.
Despite all of my anguished ruminations, I can’t help but feel hopeful right now. At this moment, in the here and the now, I am determined to keep my fingers crossed and continue to hope that maybe, this one time, I can rejoice in life and be happy.